66.The Countdown to the Flight Beyond All Hope!

The jet is soaring high. I am in a window seat, my favorite place in any mode of transport. I glance at the LCD display on the back of the front seat. It says 37000ft. and -37˚C.  I look out of the porthole at the wing that is shuddering in the turbulence. Anyone out there on the wing, even the super man would have frozen to death.

Suddenly, I think of the ‘Drama In real Life’ story I read in a Reader’s Digest so many years back, about two boys who hid in the landing gear  bay of a jet and tried to fly out of the country. Was his name Miguel? I remember it had some Spanish ring to it. 

The landing gear bay or the undercarriage compartment or wheel well, whatever you call it is neither heated nor pressurized. In addition, there is no oxygen supply. How did they survive? I made a mental note to find this story and read again when I get home to my RD collection. Well I can blog it in Hey Dude and My Blue Jeans.

What I discovered later, when I Googled ‘wheel well stowaway’ to get to that story, totally swept me off my feet. 

They were not the only ones! 

The records go all the way back to 1947. Since then, 96 people have tried hiding in the wheel wells of 85 flights and 73 of them didn’t make it. Only 23 survived the ordeal. And, the youngest was only nine years old. One person survived the cruising altitude of 39,000ft. 

Please standby for henryblogwalker original. 

Flight Beyond All Hope!

Coming up next...

53. Some Guys Have All The Luck!

“When I discovered I really have no talent in writing I had been a writer for 15 years!”

“Then what did you do? Gave up writing?”

“How can I? By then I had become a popular writer.”

   

     Though this is just a joke I have heard, it has something common with my situation.  Though I’ve been a teacher most of my life, teaching is way down in my career preference list. Or in other words a list of cool jobs.  Come to think of it! Teaching is not there at all.

     Just take a quick look at this very concise and censored list: This is not necessarily  in order of preference.

Photographer, Photo Journalist, Journalist, Travel Writer, Writer, Artist, Architect, Civil Engineer, Draughtsman, Landscape Artist, Horticulturist, Pilot, Aircraft Technician, Rally Driver, F1 Driver, PTI, Doctor, Surgeon, Seaman, Computer Dude, Computer aided designing , Fashion designer, Advertising, Guitarist, Engine Driver…

 

     This, by no means suggest that I’m an unpopular teacher. According to the critics, I’m supposed to be one of the best, ever, if this doesn’t sound like blowing my own trumpet. But I hate teaching so much, I’d rather be anywhere else other than the classroom on a  Monday morning. I’d wake up in the morning to go anywhere else other than to the school!

     My ambition had taken different perspectives through the passage of time. Sounds familiar, huh? Each time I visited a circus I had wanted to be an acrobat and  I thought it would be an awesome thing to be an ice cream van driver because I would be the center of attention of all the kids and also I had the chance to park under a shady tree and eat my merchandise  if I pleased.  So time and time again it switched between fireman, bus driver, jack hammer operator, crane operator, engine driver, miming artist, drummer, girls’ school bus driver and so on.

      I became a teacher because I happened to pass an entrance exam I wrote while I was job-hunting. Teaching, a thankless job,  lost its attraction due to the extreme stress it entailed and lack of freedom. You had to live up to the expectations the society set for you.  And too much was expected of you. Job satisfaction was some mythical thing. You are rarely appreciated, but more often criticized. It had long term goals most of the time depended on luck and the effort of someone else. A baker had a better chance, because if he bakes bread he gets bread in a few hours. 

     I always thought playing the guitar would be cool, which I used to do in my free time.  Well, at least until the day I met Dhanushka, a friend of mine who worked in the army band.

"Hey, you are one really lucky bastard",I said giving a light playful buddy punch on his chest.
 

"Why are you saying like that Henry Aiya?" Dhanushka asked. 
He always had a pleasant smile.

"Dude. Our jobs have a hell of a lot of stress. Whenever I get some free time, I love to play the guitar. It really unwinds me. I’d be doing that that all day long if given a chance than to teach a bunch of unruly kids.  But I have to return to reality."

"So?" 

"So you people on the other hand, get paid to do a cool thing like playing a guitar. Aren’t you lucky? I feel so jealous about you guys.  Some guys have all the luck and some guys get all the breaks! 
   

“Ha ha ha!!!”  he snickered in obvious amusement.

"What’re you laughing at? What’s so funny?" I asked.

"Hey dude, listen. I also used to love playing guitar before I joined the army band. Now that I have to do it as a job, I started hating it. Do you know in my free time, I don’t even want to touch a guitar.  I’d rather dig a hole in the ground than playing the guitar in my free time, oh yeah!"

I watched him letting what he just said sink in slowly.

"And do you know" he continued,  "these city schools ask for our service to train their school bands. We guys in the army band really fall over each other to grab a chance to train school bands? We love working with children, dude." 

Oh, Come on man! Gimme a break!!

52. VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Birthday “WISH” of a Mom & Dad

Though you would be

15

today

We wish you would still

hug us as tight and say good night.

And when in doubt,  ask for our advice.

And you would wrap your arms around our necks,

even in a swarming crowd,

without the slightest discomfort.

And you would still share 

your never ending views and opinions about

movies, books, music,

trains, planes,automobiles,

 guns,  games, computers

and anything that matters with us.

And you would still tell a joke,

pull a prank and make us mad,

throw us a playful punch,

tickle and tease  us  a little.

And most important of all

Not be ashamed to show emotions

no matter who is around

like you always used to.

And remember we’d dread the day,

you would outgrow them,

because

you’d never be too big in our eyes.

just because 

you’ll always be our little son.

BIRTHDAY WISH OF A SISTER.

The day we brought you home

When  you were newly born

You were so little

I thought you were brittle

You were the cutest thing

The laughter you’d bring

And you were a smart one

We just knew that you were the one

I remember playing all alone

With no sibling to play along

And then my only wish was someone

I wouldn’t have to share with anyone

Then my prayer was answered

A little brother was granted

And the day you came home

Our hearts just felt so warm

The Chupa-Chups you always bribed us into

The ‘penthinis’ you always just clung to

The times you at once disappeared

And from under the chairs you reappeared

Even in those few bad times

You would always bring about smiles

With your jokes and clowning

We felt our problems trifling

I am not saying you are an angel all the while

And not that we agreed all the time

There were times you’d drive me nuts

And make me feel that I am a mutt

Remember the fights we always had

And all the times we made each other so mad

I am sure Thaththa and Amma thought

We just always yelled, screamed and fought

But we’d always stand up for each other

You are always my little brother

And whenever you need me

Just know that here I will be

When I remember now you’ve grown up

Seems like yesterday you were trying to stand up

But even though we are miles apart

Remember you will always be in my heart

This is to the best Malliya anyone can ever ask for, 

WISH YOU A BLESSED B’ DAY MALLIYA!

Love you a lot

Yours Akki

47. YOU

 You

YOU who stared at the mixed up fried rice sleepily after waking up from a deep sleep on our laps and said, “What’s this? Cat food?” because it was the first time you saw fried rice and because we used to mix up all the left over rice and feed the stray cats…,

YOU who had to watch too much TV because both of us were employed with no baby sitter and too busy, blurted out one morning when you were  woken up to go to school, “Wait a minute till this commercial break is over…okay?” and made us realize that even your dreams now had commercial breaks…,

YOU who made our hearts swell with pride to see you ride wobbling when I removed both the guide wheels off your little mountain bike…,

YOU who were cycling downhill behind our car wearing the blue helmet and suddenly disappeared and then reemerged out of the overgrown ditch blue helmet first and complained “It’s okay falling down. That’s not the problem. This stupid ta-ta hand was saying ta-ta ta-ta all the time while I was fallen in the ditch!” about that ta ta hand gadget you had me install on your bike…,

YOU who were then a first grader and made me meet your class teacher one day to listen to her complaint that my kid had walked on the piano keyboard playing with feet creating a new genre of music…,

YOU who beat the hell out of some bullies  not only with kicks and punches I had taught you in self defense but also with your motorcycle crash helmet and made me meet your principal for assault charges yet made me proud for standing up for yourself when conventional run of the mill methods failed…,

YOU who were playing commando dressed in your combat gear and yelled ‘YOU ARE UNDER ARREST. PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!’, pointing a toy revolver at her own chest with one hand, with the other hand in the air raised in surrender,  playing army and the rebels both making us realize how lonely you would have felt to be an only child.

YOU who finally played the trump card by making me see your Principal who was a very kind lady and a well renowned author who said “Hiruni came to meet me today Mr. Blogwalker,… and she wants me to tell you as her principal that she needs a brother to play with.” making me feel a lump in my throat,

YOU who stared at me with wide eyes when I ate an ice cream cup alone without buying one for you as a punishment for something that you did and made me feel miserable inwardly because you took it so gracefully… ,

YOU who defended the brother locking your grandma and aunt out of the house because you thought you were protecting him from them…,

YOU who became the youngest gymnast in the school gymnastic team at the age of 6 and brought home so many sports trophies and A reports and made us forget all the troubles we had…,

YOU who once walked out on us because this place was boring and made me cry when I saw the FINAL CALL and then GATE CLOSED on the big LCD screen at the airport…,

YOU who use Home English kitchen version sometimes just to piss me off and have done many more things that I have to cut short…,

…are celebrating your birthday today. 

 

Happy birthday

 HIRUNI OUR DAUGHTER!!
 

44. Dudes, What The Hell Kind Of Logic Is This?

I stepped into the air-conditioned shop of the Unity plaza building out of the midday heat in Colombo.

I had bought my first hp DeskJet printer for Rs. 5000/= at The Unity Plaza. A few months later as the cartridges ran out of ink, I went to the same place in the hope of buying replacement ink cartridges. I couldn’t believe my ears when the salesperson quoted the price -  Rs. 5500/=!!!

I was flabbergasted and told him I bought the complete printer itself only for Rs 5000/= a few months back. What he told me knocked me over totally. He said, 

“Sir, we can give you the latest model of the printer you have for just Rs. 4850/= now, a knock down price, because you happen to be a regular customer."

What the hell kind of logic is that? I was feeling hot in the air-conditioned interior.

So, I bought a brand new printer again instead of replacement ink cartridges and saved Rs 650/= and ended up with an extra printer without cartridges. In other words an unnecessary, fully functional heap of plastic with no mechanical problem, and also a heap of e-waste.

But still, dudes, what the hell kind of logic is this?

Now, the ones who pull the strings should not get the wrong idea to impose more new taxes to sell the printer at Rs10000/= and make the difference. That’s not what I mean. The prize of the cartridges should come down to an affordable price from this current ridiculous one. This should be the result of some moronic tax regulation. Otherwise, the printer with original cartridges can’t be less expensive than the two cartridges or the other way around.

And when new cartridges ran out of ink I tried to refill them at another famous shop in Unity Plaza building itself.  It was done at a reasonably low price. They worked just fine when they demonstrated with the test copy in the shop. And at home, they worked until they printed 6 more copies and dried up in 2 days. So much for their refilling service.!  I cursed the refillers and determined not only not to try it again but also to spread the word.

My father used to shave with a metal alloy Gillette safety razor, which used four sided razor blades. All he discarded were only the spent blades.  Razor itself was a lifetime investment if you used it carefully. 

He used to write with a Parker fountain pen earlier. He bought pots of ink for refills. All he discarded were glass inkpots, which wasn’t all that frequent.

I, on the other hand, use plastic triple bladed disposable razors, ballpoint pens, and gel pens, which I discard much more frequently at an alarming rate. My spent razor means permanently fitted blades and plastic handle and everything.  Discarded ballpoint pen consists of  two tubes of plastic with some more plastic fitting which are of course non bio degradable. Only with razors and pens I pollute the earth perhaps 100 times more than my father did.

These are only two examples. Let's forget about the plastic water and fizzy drink bottles and the lot for the moment.

The modern consumer pattern doesn’t support environmental policies they preach about. It beats me why the system supports more waste generation.

A Teflon coating over the paint of your house is fully justifiable. It’ll prolong the need for another layer of paint for years to come. That’s how to use plastic to protect the environment and save the nonrenewable resources.

But why does this happen? When you buy a printer every time you want to buy replacement cartridges, where are we going to end up? May be there are other products also like this unknown to me. Still this defies all logic. Something is wrong somewhere because someone turned a blind eye.

These are my suggestions to whom it may concern.

·       

• I know it would be difficult to roll back to my father’s metal alloy razor era. Nevertheless, razors in budget packets can be sold with one handle and ten heads that can be fitted on the handle.  Pollution will be much less and you do the math.
• Sell ink or gel refills for ballpoint and gel pens at one third of the price of a pen. Many people will use the same pen much longer, and again you do the math, as I’m real bad at it.
• Sell printer ink cartridges at a reasonable price, perhaps the same price as those fake refills.
• Sell soft drinks and water in glass bottles and stop this ridiculous system of charging extra for deposits for the glass bottles. Once this is stopped, nobody will want to collect glass bottles at homes and the customers will even return them or dump them in assigned trash bins. An effective retrieval system of empty bottles for refills will pay dividends.

Well, I can go on like this, but let’s try these first.

43. NIGHTMARE FOR ROAD TRIPPERS

Road trips are one of our prime time holiday activities. To see the black ribbon of road rushing at you and disappear underneath you is a feeling worth experiencing.  

Also, once you learn to enjoy the journey as much or even more than the destination no journey is boring. And you won’t be looking for shortcuts.

Nothing can match the meals and tea/coffee breaks on the way. You either eat at a wayside restaurant, or simply eat under a tree sitting on a rock. I’ve always been thinking of buying that portable LP gas cylinder with the mini stove on top of it, which මාරයා (Maraya) had explained in his blog post but never got around to it. I don’t know how safe it is to carry it in a vehicle exposed to direct sunlight, heat and a few bangs. 

As much as the pleasures, there are nightmares in road trips, too. One is breakdowns.  This is rare thanks to the reliable Japanese engines, especially the diesels. If you treat them right, they are grateful and faithful. I involuntarily plant a kiss on my vehicle, every time it gets us safely home through the dark night, hauling several hundred kilometers, when so many things could have gone wrong. The secret is checking all liquid levels and changing filters, belts and tires on time. In addition, to be on the safe side I carry two spare wheels, so I won’t feel that vulnerable when I’m on the spare wheel, in the middle of nowhere, in dark rainy night with several hundred kilometers to go.

All those things are more or less under your control.

There are some more nightmares, that are totally out of your control and you are at mercy of. Forgetting about the traffic cops, the other nightmare is the toilet facilities for travelers. Actually, that’s what this blog post is all about. You can’t carry a mobile toilet unless you have a RV or mobile home like in those other countries. 

I saw on the internet there is a website also which has listed the toilet facilities when traveling. It’ll take some more time for us to make use of that here in Sri Lanka.

The first option, which most of us resort to, is using the toilet of a wayside restaurant.

In most of the restaurants, the toilets are not very clean and our womenfolk walk into them with ‘default’ disgusted expression.  And, seven times out of ten, they walk out whispering they’ve been right. You need rolls of paper to sit on those toilet seats, or it’s so smelly you can’t breathe inside , or the previous user hadn’t flushed it properly and you nearly puked.

Even to that that toilet, you can’t simply walk in as if you owned the place, because they are for their customers only. Therefore, to become a customer you sit around a table and have a cup of tea you really didn’t want.  Then you get the moral right to use the toilet. Sometimes you get a 5 liter bottle of water and become a customer. There are times when you have drunk their tea or bought the bottle of water you hear that their toilet is out of order. 

We men can just pull up on a roadside and walk into the bush and water a tree, like I always do. Ladies find this a lot difficult for obvious reasons and finding a location for that isn’t always easy either. For the number 2 job, well it’s a real problem for either sex. This is not uncommon while travelling because it is very easy to get the runs due to the strange meals and their weird combinations you take at strange hours making your biological clock go haywire. This can turn a road trip into a nightmare. 

Well when the worst come to the worst, we male folks will have to pull up, creep into the bush with as many tissues as possible or the jerry can  of water you take and relieve yourself.  This is unhygienic and disgusting no doubt. However, when you run out of options it’s better than shitting your pants.

We spend billions building expressways and surfacing roads. Why hasn’t anyone thought about building toilets and shower complexes for road travelers and maintaining them in hygienic conditions? Someone will get some employment, too.  However, definitely not the way most of those pay toilets are maintained at the moment, where the prime target is grabbing the fee and not checking the cleanliness.

When will that day dawn, when a call of a nature is not a nightmare to steal the pleasure of a well-earned road trip? 

I WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY AND PEACEFUL NEW YEAR!!